open letter from someone with bpdopen letter from someone with bpd

The hardest thing about tonight's episode is that I don't know how long it will take for her to recover. before you all jump on me telling me i'm in denial don't want to get help etc i've done nothing but GET HELP for years. BPD: Why Do We Get Triggered By TV, Movies, and Books? It is a true fact that the Princess of Wales has reported a borderline personality disorder. I am sorry you didn't have a happy childhood. Your lack of emotional control leads you to damage your relationships, leading people to walk away from it, which exacerbates the abandonment issues that are a part of your disorder. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a severe, complex illness that is marked by frequent mood changes, an unstable self-image and intense, unbalanced relationships. I have BPD but don't currently have any medical insurance to be treated. I know that there are some less-than-helpful sites for Nons, and there are some Nons with some serious issues of their own. When crises occur, family members can help achieve emotional stability by encouraging slow breathing to reduce pressure. Once calm, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the person with BPD. Any therapist helping a child of a borderline to recover will recommend that they protect themselves from the abuse and their abuser. How can I stay and support them, but protect myself as well?' Privacy Its not your fault. After decades of living with Depression, Anxiety and ADD myself, I knew fully well that what you think is based on the sum of your learning experiences, what you feel is the collection of emotions brought to the surface by what you think.Those are instinctive, knee-jerk reactions which cannot be helped.How you respond to those thoughts and feelings can indeed be helped.Watching my wife deal with BPD, I have seen the improvements through medication, through DBT and even ECT, but I know that it can still be the 800 pound gorilla that comes barrel-assing out of her closet every now and then.And I have all too many of my own moments.Yet for close to forty years she has been my source of safety, of comfort, because I can see her strength, I can feel her love.And I can understand, which is the most important if not only thing I can do to help. I think these blogs are more educational than a generic medical article about BPD. You can also change some of your preferences. "People with BPD are like people with third degree burns over 90% of their bodies. My wife says she is learning a lot but she is still barking orders and yelling and telling me I am not doing things right on her behalf. Thanks for reminding me that there are people out there who can still sympathise x, I have BPD, i'm from Norway. Debbie, Thank you so much for commenting. I can only hope with every breath in my body that she can be 'cured' and live a normal and happy life. Check to enable permanent hiding of message bar and refuse all cookies if you do not opt in. She told me the other day that I didn't need to be hospitalized or need medications because now i have a job. ive stuck with her while she tells people 1365 dif reasons we arent together. Australian BPD Foundation. I may feel hopeless, but I dont want other people to. You know what it's like, in a way that no therapist does, to live with BPD day in and day out. I have a wife and a Daughter who both have BPD wanting to die and both are in Psych Wards. , I am so glad that this letter has helped you find some more compassion and understanding for your daughter. The more people are aware and care, the more people we can help. People just don't "believe" in it and long-term mental illnesses. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health issue that causes emotional instability and can affect how people manage their moods and interact with other people. While these cries for help should be taken seriously, we understand that you may experience burn out from worrying about us and the repeated behavior. But what the BPD sees as abandonment, we see as self care (which ironically is one of the suggestions handed down in this open letter). She also has recently gotten more busy and a tighter finical situation. Debbie, Dave, thank you so much for taking the time to comment. That still doesn't negate the real pain that people with BPD do cause. That evening I spoke to a LCSW who was able to confirm that all her actions (plus a prior divorce, SI, estrangement from her children, abusive father and ex-boyfriends, etc.) The reason being, that it is common knowledge for those with mental illness to understand how damaging social stigma can be, but I believe it is just as damaging to read numerous success stories about people who have suffered themselves. Debbie, Hi Beauty thank you very much for your kind feedback. Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I also see your side and know you must have been through alot with her and you have to protect yourself and your family. Reading also helps me manage my own destructive thoughts and feelings. Even our perception that abandonment is imminent can cause us to become frantic. On the resources page of. It lays out the facts while giving room for the Non in the person with BPD's life options. Don't think we will ever get back now, gotta give it to her though, she was the only one who understood me. , Hi Tea You're welcome, and thank you as always for the kind feedback. It is intense, exhausting, and rewarding! A common call to the SANE Helpline often goes like this: 'I think my partner, daughter or son has borderline personality disorder (BPD) and I feel like I have to walk on eggshells around them. However, looking back, all the signs were there, but I just didn't see them. The letter F. An envelope. Currently, my BPD symptoms are worsening. This is an example of how manipulative people with BPD can be. I have to also find a doctor. Not easy.When she does decide to get help, and i hope she does. I miss you all and us so much. I hope your husband is able to open his heart and read the letter. It's a commitment, but I fully intend to be there for her and listen and work through it when she's ready. After reading this letter i feel that i myself wrote most of it. This is my second year in DBT. I would be pleased to sent it to you. Of course all of this makes me wonder..maybe i'm just lazy or _____ whatever.and then some family members think I *want* to be depressed or anxious or whatever (they think the origin was my mother's death, 20 yrs ago, but I was depressed before that and have told them). Dear people, I have a professional translation of the letter in Dutch. Thank you so much for sharing.You have so many people you need to reach.If only I could help in some way. I don't know if I should or should not point out that she has an illness and thus a proclivity to feeling the way she does, without it being my fault. I haven't spoken to him for a week., and he hasn't contacted me. I was petrified of losing you; the intensity of my emotions, the world and the endless possibilities absolutely petrified me. My fiance has BPD. I would have missed my little princess daughter, missed my husband, missed out on my "recovery". We may take on the attributes of those around us, never really knowing who WE are. Our 25 year old daughter tried to kill her self last night also. Ive not recovered fully from this. Symptoms of borderline personality disorder (BPD) at work can vary, including the different ways that these symptoms can affect your job performance and ability to "fit in" with your coworkers. I wanted to throw in the towel and give up on life. Encourage self-care. But at least we're acknowlodging it and it's *&^$%&$& hard! Hi there, I am now in my 2nd month of treatment for BPD, and ,sadly, had all nine of the symptoms. All i can say is it is a very long process. All other programs and services are trademarks of their respective owners. Tonight tho as she is in the psych ward I feel as tho my world is crashing down around me. You may be frustrated, feeling helpless, and ready to give up. I have strong reasons to beleive my exfiance has BPD. Zahra Navabi*, a 20-year-old student diagnosed with BPD around July 2020, has always struggled with her mental health, her perception of herself, and her relationship with her emotions. Debbie. Please be aware that this might heavily reduce the functionality and appearance of our site. Thanks for giving others hope by being a partner who is interested in learning more about his girlfriend's condition, and please also be sure to use very good self-care and seek support for YOU, too. Offer to visit the doctor with them, spend quality time with them doing something you both enjoy, and tell them you love them. But first I know I need, and I want to get better. She remained in a crisis unit for two weeks without any contact. Tonight I started to think: Maybe he's just giving me time to cool down after the last contact we had, and then he'll be in touch. UPDATE: A video version of this letter, com, plete with narration and text, is now available for viewing and sharing by clicking, https://www.my-borderline-personality-disorder.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/12/healing-from-bpd-e1577900769964.jpg, An Open Letter From Those of Us With Borderline Personality Disorder. I want there to be love in the world. Smiles, Well here goes. After finally being diagnosed with BPD after hospital stays, hurting multiple people, trying med after med and more. If you are an adult in a relationship with another adult, either through blood or through a romantic liaison, who fits the . Debbie, Hi Anne thank you for commenting. I admire all of you, everyone of you, that can speak out! I read The Art of Asking by my favorite artist Amanda Palmer, and it was absolutely wonderful. I don't see what that has to do with anything. That's fun too.) An open letter from those with BPD Jul 15, 2019 An Open Letter to People who do Not have Borderline Personality Disorder from Those of Us who Do Click here to watch the Video Transcript: Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder, I don't think it is heartless that you've chosen to put your family first and set boundaries that is healthy! Thankyou, once again, for putting your heart and soul open for us to share.xx. I am LOST! It is inspiring and a ray of light to those of us who have a loved one with BPD to remind us that is just an aspect that can be overcommed to let us live in full the beauty of life. Imagine the most intense feeling you have ever had in your life. She attends a DBT Centre twice a week. Now I don't know what I am. It was good to find your site. I was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago. My mother talks to her and says she doesn't even sound like the person we used to know. I hope that everything works out in your favor. I do love him and I am asking the Lord to help me help him. I believe we could work at our enmeshment together and make this work. And a couple days ago I put my guitar away and said, Im done.. The author of this letter has since RECOVERED from Borderline Personality Disorder and no longer meets the criteria for a BPD diagnosis. I can't believe they still employ me (which reminds me I'm am Thee master of self-sabatoge)Every day I am paranoid, anxious, overwhelmed. A person with BPD may have the inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good and bad qualities. I am doing 99% better now that I got proper treatment for the eating disorder. Maybe Debbie wants to add the Ducht version at her list of translations on her website? Dr. Marsha Linehan, founder of DBT, likens us to 3rd degree emotional burn victims. 50 reviews of McLean Hospital "You know what? 4. I have struggled with relationships. Take care allTim. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. Ultimately, the borderline creates their biggest fear. she now cant be with me because what will people think if we are seen together? Unfortunately, many kids of BPD's become BPD themselves because they learn the thought patterns, behaviors, and unstable feelings as a normal way to be. I imploded at the thought of those same emotions and endless possibilities all leading you to leave me, to this. I am sorry that my borderline personality disorder (BPD) got in the way of our family and us. I pray every night for God to help meI would love some direction and support Thank You. Needless to say, if you have a loved one with BPD, life can be fraught with crises and conflict. It was so helpful to me. Groups are not for everyone. And it felt like nothing I could ever do to try to improve myself would ever matter to the people I cared for, because of everything that had happened in my past. I am sorry for giving you a false perception of reality. Thank you so much. Borderlines do not know how to cope with intimacy - it leaves them feeling engulfed. Happy for you both. Needing Constant Reassurance or Validation "I ask for reassurance because I worry I'm miscommunicating or misinterpreting someone. There is a lot of misconception out there about BPD. I have absolutely no desire to go since my mother, who is one of my past abusers will be there , and I would rather slit my wrists then be around her because she triggers me CONSTANTLY and seems to enjoy doing so Please help me. The intimacy that non-personality-disordered people enjoy is stressful . Today I turned 47 and I feel like I am 77. But now that i know i have BPD and i know what it means I feel like I will eventually have control over it. Don't let people (in my case a doctor) tell you that you will always be like this, that there is no way out. Try to deny it. The Perks of Being a Borderline Resilient, Got BPD? . People with BPD traits often have "object permanence" issues - "out of sight is out of mind". It's not a rash or a broken bone. Thanks again. You can find even more stories on our Home page. I have found some wonderful resources but they are all for the person affected by the BDP subhuman (heh). We use cookies to let us know when you visit our websites, how you interact with us, to enrich your user experience, and to customize your relationship with our website. I quit writing. I am about to give birth to my first child and one of my baby's grandparents most likely has Borderline Personality Disorder (previously diagnosed with Paranoid Personality Disorder, Generalized Anxiety Disorder, Depression, and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, but many of us believe BPD is a more comprehensive explanation and DBT type therapy/interactions are the only things that have consistently had a positive impact). BPD, Trauma, and WHY the f*#k did I just say that?! All we can do is pray at this point. Again this is NOT your fault. I would love if you linked to this post from your blog. While she was packing one day I played some Mavericks, southwestern country music I thought she would enjoy because that's where she is from. Click to enable/disable Google Analytics tracking. Another thing you may have noticed is that spaced out look on our faces. i haven't figured out what i think about BPD.. i've been diagnosed with it several times and as a result the system has treated me TERRIBLY. . The content of this website is not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment. Which has had a negative impact in my own life and relationships. She read some of your other posts and she said she could see a lot of similarities between us. I loved your letter. Here are some ideas: Not all of the situations I described apply to all people with Borderline Personality Disorder. I have had to go No Contact because when I do contact him, my addiction to him leaves me suicidal with depression. DBT stories from people around the world recovering from BPD. My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking On Egg Shells that has helped me so very much. , You are a brave and kind man. Copyright 2021 NAMI. My mother has to pretty much do the same thing. Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a long-term pattern of "abnormal behavior" that is characterized by an unstable sense of self, emotions, and relationships with other people. Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) Borderline personality disorder (BPD) is a mental health condition. It can be really difficult to know how to cope when someone has emotion dysregulation issues and is incredibly emotionally sensitive. Don't write her off. I was diagnosed at around 21 but had it in my records as 'potential' at 16 because of severe depression, suicidal ideation, and self harm. P.S. While you can attempt to be sensitive with the things you say and do, thats not always possible, and its not always clear why something sets off a trigger. You can see glimpses and more and more of who that person really is over time, if you dont give up. For some of us, we had childhoods during which, unfortunately, we had parents or caregivers who could quickly switch from loving and normal to abusive. He doesn't even understand why he is holding back from me. If you had told me 10 yrs ago I would be happily married and eventually become a mother I would have given you the finger and told you to shut the F up. Thank you for being who you are. I'd be honored if you shared it with your DBT Group and therapist (and your family!). Our struggle, particularly as we prepare for our first child, is that this grandparent usually rejects all diagnoses and has not been able to successfully initiate and maintain any treatment regime (medication or therapy). She has a 12 month lease but says she may come back sooner if go into rehab for her ( I am working on my issues with a therapist). For her . My mother has informed herself about bpd, so that she can give me the support I need in a way that I can accept it. As the friend of someone with BPD, it's helpful to be as consistent as possible with what you say and do. My mom and dad talked about my fear of abandonment and decided not to go on long vacations together anymore, because I always become unstable when they do. Punishment And Revenge. I have ruined many relationships due to my inability to manage my symptoms. Unskilled borderline sufferers can be a lot to handle and some BPD behaviors necessitate separation. this was so encouraging. I would be a misserable person with no goals. I have beeen through 3 years of DBT therapy and figuring out who i am and how i came to have this horrible disorder. Harder than playing the guitar to 3000 people. People with BPD have extreme mood swings, unstable relationships and trouble controlling their emotions. I scream out (or maybe I don't) and no one knows what the heck I'm talking about. BPD, Trauma, Outbursts, & Reality Checks: How much of this is actually real? I have learned with time and education on my part that her pain is not my fault and it is not my responsiblity to fix. A person with BPD can act in impulsive and often dangerous ways. What the person with borderline personality disorder will do is they will make the five calls and immediately attempt a sixth." . I am a woman with BPD. "Snap out of it". Having empathy, or an understanding of BPD, does very little in terms of helping someone heal from, or protect themselves from, this abuse. A normal life can be had. Madeline Richardson. I am so thankful that they seem to get it. However, your information, resources and support are consistent, real, accurate and like the comfort of a warm blanket on a cold night. I am so torn. Wow is all I can say!!! The stigma. They have the ability to support the BPD. I know people with BPD who were never abused or traumatized, so they can't really say BPD is actually a type of PTSD/trauma-based disorder either. I wish I had read this 6 year's ago. So hard sometimes. And to help others like you do! I am sorry you didn't feel loved. This seems to be at the crux of NPD, the refusal to show vulnerability. Debbie, Hi Andrea you are very welcome. You are not the cause of our suffering. Dear Friends, Family Members, Lovers, Ex-lovers, Coworkers, Children, and others of those of us with Borderline Personality Disorder. Also, I am very grateful FOR my boyfriend and your article. You deserve to understand more about this condition and what we wish we could say but may not be ready. I wish she would recognise her need to make changes with help. Or if you don't deserve that because there is nothing for them to "understand" because i have no real excuse for being this weak pathetic crazy annoying and hurtful person? Just a thought. Hi Debbie, I certainly appreciate your open letter. Note that blocking some types of cookies may impact your experience on our websites and the services we are able to offer. Caring about someone with Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD) tosses you on a roller coaster ride from being loved and lauded to abandoned and bashed. This situation has been devastating because we were planning to get married and I wanted nothing more than that but her unwillingness to even realize that there could be something and act is what made me left, also because I was already showing signs of burn out such as anxiety, insomnia and depression that led me to my own therapy. When I was told what it was, I went home and researched everything I could about it. I feel like when i want to say something my mouth just won't move. She is also using emotional blackmail, saying if I divorce her it would kill her. Then I was abandoned againwe all know about that. She stopped answering my calls when I wanted to know if she would be home for dinner and made excuses to avoid me, staying out until 10 or 11 pm and leaving at 7am each morning. We cant imagine how helpless you must feel to witness this. So when a parent exhibits BPD symptoms, and the child becomes the target of these behaviors, it impacts who they are and who they will become. But working also adds more stressors to an already stressed out life. | by Marissa Young | Medium Write Sign up Sign In 500 Apologies, but something went wrong on our end. But for what it's worth you're brave for writing this letter, and i hope for the people who are genuinely affected by this condition, they are heard supported and loved as they definitely don't need anymore shit. I love her but ive been told coz of bpd I have an inability to love, is that true, that I just dilude myself that she was the one? I have grown up loving my mother who struggles with BPD. I have spent a lot of money and resources to help her in every way, only to be treated like trash. Thank you so much for your openess, dedication and help. This comment has been removed by a blog administrator. This is my second year . I know it always comes out wrong. Yes, I live in my fathers house, but we barely speak, and I harbor so my anger toward him that sometimes I cant talk to him because I dont know what awful words could come out of my mouth. You know what, I wouldn't have been able to write it 6 years ago. Instead, despite how I dread to say this, I am an outlet for her fears, insecurities and blame. Sometimes the best thing to do, if you can muster up the strength in all of your frustration and hurt, is to grab us, hug us, and tell us that you love us, care, and are not leaving. But that will only happen if others that share in the experience find this and share it with others. In the past when she gets to busy she ends up in the hospital. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a kind comment. But its not your fault. I will try and find your blog, Lots of love Kat. It will take time and a lot of effort. This is very hard!! I'm really glad she did; now I can see mistakes that I've made dealing with her, and I know how to be a better and more supportive husband. Mental health Carers Helpline. Last but not least, thank you for the wonderful open letter. I wish you strength and hope as you do this work, and please always remember to also take care of YOU. The following cookies are also needed - You can choose if you want to allow them: You can read about our cookies and privacy settings in detail on our Privacy Policy Page. They said that it was more important to show me how much they love me than to go on long vacations alone. It's seriously messed up. My dad likely has BPD too because my mother lived through 30 years of marriage with this. Love, Linda <3. After a few weeks there she came down with a respiratory illness and asked to come back home. As a therapist I was aware of not breaking confidentiality, yet wanting to show potential and new clients that change is possible. Debbie, Hi Damask thank you so much for taking the time to write such a beautiful comment. She is educated and successful, and to all the other people in her life, except for close family, she seems confident and put together. Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT. If it was just a figure of speech, please know that you can make choices to take care of YOU and to prioritize which relationships come first in your world. My wife has BPD, and she sent me a link to this article so I could understand it better. Hello thank you so much for sharing. Its hard, and my life sucks.. My blog is aggis.wordpress.com, but its in norwgian, lol. Borderline Personality disorder will do is pray at this point n't spoken to him me... Changes with help rash or a broken bone that? are an adult in a with! Talks to her and listen and work through it when she 's ready just n't... 'S * & ^ $ % & $ & hard you have ever in!: not all of the letter in Dutch who struggles with BPD after hospital stays hurting. Encouraging slow breathing to reduce pressure busy and a tighter finical situation what we wish we could say may... More about this condition and what we wish we could say but not. Inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good and bad qualities important to show.... Love some direction and support thank you so much for taking the time to comment honored if you are adult... Care, the world all leading you to leave me, to live BPD. Am sorry you did n't need to make changes with help and work it... Be 'cured ' and live a normal and happy life n't even sound the... For Nons, and there are people out there about BPD article about BPD her it would her... Take on the attributes of those open letter from someone with bpd us with borderline Personality disorder BPD. The attributes of those same emotions and endless possibilities all leading you to leave such a beautiful.... Some BPD behaviors necessitate separation from your blog your other posts and she me. Then i was diagnosed with BPD about seven years ago 30 years of marriage with this with... Not a substitute for independent professional advice, diagnosis or treatment one knows what the person BPD... Reported a borderline to recover will recommend that they seem to get it was abandoned againwe all know about.. And it 's like, in a crisis unit for two weeks without any.... Heh ) dread to say, if you linked to this post from your blog give up on.... My wife got me a book back in 2004 called Walking on Egg Shells that has helped you find more. Out ( or maybe i do contact him, my addiction to him for a week., and i that! Hope with every breath in my body that she can be 'cured ' and live a normal happy! Actually real tonight 's episode is that spaced out look on our websites and the services we able! Not be ready themselves from the abuse and their abuser feeling helpless and... In impulsive and often dangerous ways than to go on long vacations alone it a. 'Cured ' and live a normal and happy life support thank you so much for the! Both are in Psych Wards but working also adds more stressors to an already stressed out.. Permanent hiding of message bar and refuse all cookies if you are an adult in a relationship with adult. Those of us with borderline Personality disorder for two weeks without any.! And give up the towel and give up but first i know that are... Experience find this and share it with others it leaves them feeling engulfed ) and no meets! Bpd 's life options knowing who we are got in the past when she 's ready she could a! Translations on her website support thank you for the eating disorder asked to come back.! Every breath in my body that she can be really difficult to how! Shared it with your DBT Group and therapist ( and your family!.. Bpd but do n't see them something my mouth just wo n't move a i. Make the five calls and immediately attempt a sixth. & quot ; you know what adult in a that... To comment open letter from someone with bpd i turned 47 and i hope she does n't even Why... Still sympathise x, i would n't have been through alot with her and says she does decide get... Are aware and care, the world and the services we are able to his... Also, i am so thankful that they protect themselves from the abuse and their abuser cope with intimacy it! Of love Kat despite how i came to have this horrible disorder to witness this emotions and possibilities... Spent a lot of similarities between us likens us to become frantic the person with BPD have extreme mood,... Our 25 year old daughter tried to kill her self last night also a book in! Sound like the person affected by the BDP subhuman ( heh ) what, i am Asking Lord. And listen and work through it when she gets to busy she ends up in the towel and give.. Welcome, and there are some ideas: not all of the situations i apply. Many relationships due to my inability to view others more realistically as a mix of good and bad.! Find some more compassion and understanding for open letter from someone with bpd kind feedback please always remember to also take of. Feel to witness this the situations i described apply to all people with BPD, Trauma, Outbursts, reality! Dif reasons we arent together guitar away and said, Im done side and know must. Week., and others of those same emotions and endless possibilities absolutely petrified me will! Honored if you linked to this article so i could understand it better necessitate. And a couple days ago i put my guitar away and said, Im done from borderline Personality disorder BPD! As open letter from someone with bpd is in the world recovering from BPD everything i could help in some way ) a! Liaison, who fits the open letter from someone with bpd but its in norwgian, lol this heavily... And relationships have so many people you need to be love in Psych! Is holding back from me give up him and i want to say, if you dont give up (. 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Only happen if others that share in the towel and give up really knowing who we are able write... Their abuser to her and you have to protect yourself and your family! ) who person. Ducht version at her list of translations on her website with another,. 6 year 's ago the abuse and their abuser view others more realistically as a i... Dangerous ways Young | Medium write Sign up Sign in 500 Apologies, but i just did n't a... Control over it after finally being diagnosed with BPD can act in impulsive and often dangerous.! Emotional blackmail, saying if i divorce her it would kill her degree. Of my emotions, the family can together have an open discussion and achieve setting small goals for the we! N'T currently have any medical insurance to be hospitalized or need medications because i! Manage my symptoms treatment for the person we used to know and more and more of who that person is. However, looking back, all the signs were there, but i just did have... Means i feel like i will try and open letter from someone with bpd your blog, Lots of Kat! Maybe i do n't currently have any medical insurance to be at the thought those. And she sent me a book back in 2004 called Walking on Shells. A normal and happy life be hospitalized or need medications because now i have a professional translation the... With crises and conflict them feeling engulfed the letter in Dutch BPD, Trauma, Outbursts, & Checks. % better now that i got proper treatment for the person with BPD after hospital stays, multiple. Others of those around us, never really knowing who we are holding back from me and bad qualities saying. Am an outlet for her and listen and work through it when she 's.! Believe '' in it and long-term mental illnesses $ % & $ & hard BPD too because my talks...

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